E-mail Ahnold

October 2005 update!

In a recent interview on the problems he's facing before a reelection, Ahnold admitted his lack of creativity!

He said, "Are there certain lines that I have used in the past that are on Saturday Night Live? Yes."

Hmm, why would he mention that of all things over a year after his infamous "girlie men" speech? Perhaps he has been receiving some e-mail?

We're going to start these monthly activities with an oldie-but-goodie.

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is a hypocrite.

He claims to be pro-choice and for women's rights yet he's proved numerous times to be one of the most sexist bastards in the public eye. He's had a history of sexual harrassment, molestation, and sexual abuse, and even as recently as mid-2003 he was dispensing such words of wisdom as "When you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, 'Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer,' which maybe is the case many times."

He came to this country as an Austrian immigrant made famous back home simply for being a freak of nature who had a dependency on steroids. All of his success outside of bodybuilding can be attributed to the opporunities that came his way once inside the United States, yet now he wants to curb the rights of immigrants, such as the "luxury" of owning a driver's license to help get around and make a living. In fact, he has even said that immigrants are a security risk!

And although this is in an indirect way, he has gladly represented and championed a party that has condemned Hollywood's involvement with politics.

For all of these reasons and more, Ahnold is on our "Bush list."

Anyway, back in July 2004 he said that those who support unions were "girlie men," which was one of his frequent attempts to create a political platform based solely on catchphrases. Well, the only problem with this is that the "girlie men" line did not come from any of his movies but rather from the quickly unfunny Hans and Franz sketches on Saturday Night Live. This would be like if the first Bush had campaigned by using the phrase "Na ga da" from Dana Carvey's spastic impersonation of him.

Seriously, though, why did Ahnold feel the need to steal from SNL? What, did he suddenly run out of the many known catchphrases from his own movies? Granted it's not uncommon for a politician to use a quote against an opponent, but what Ahnold has done is essentially crib a line from SNL and claim it as his own. What does that say then about a governor and the depths of his creativity?

But we're not here to degrade Ahnold...we're actually here to help him!

Since the incoherent governor likes to steal old Saturday Night Live catchphrases to mock unions, we are inviting everyone to e-mail even more SNL lines to him! Tell him that you don't want him to ever run out of stolen zingers. Hopefully we'll be able to pass along more than enough to last him for the rest of his term.

Please find below a list of suggestions. Copy and paste them or try to remember some others!

"I'm Gumby, dammit!"

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

"You're from Jersey? I'm from Jersey!"

"You ignorant slut."
(Oh wait, he's already used that one before.)

"I'm a wild and crazy guy!"

"Chee'burger, chee'burger, chee'burger."

"Douchebag!"

"Candygram."

"I'm a caveman."

"Now I am as happy as little girl."

"Well, isn't that special."

"Yeah, that's the ticket."

"I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines."

"I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not."

"I live in a VAN down by the RIVER!"

"I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!"

"I'm going completely mental, I must say."

"Fire bad!"

"We come from France."

Let's get together and help out Ahnold! Otherwise he might actually have to think on his own.


Quote of the Month

"I do agree that the tsunami was a wonderful opportunity to show not just the U.S. government, but the heart of the American people, and I think it has paid great dividends for us."
Condoleezza Rice

Link of the Month
Bush Just Wants to Have Fun