Amiço, are you all right?

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Oh, come on. So the worst president in U.S. history was reelected by the slimmest margin in history. So it's obvious that the majority of Americans are uneducated and lazy and only believe what an Australian media conglomerate tells them to think. So most local press have chosen to ignore very serious complaints and concerns about election fraud, again. And so this country is knee-deep in a war that nobody wanted, that's benefitting nobody, and hasn't made anyone any safer. So what?

So what??

Si, you heard me. Lighten up, Amiço! It's New Year's Eve. Let's celebrate!

What's the point, Chiwawa Boy? What's there to celebrate? We are a society that not only honors incompetence, but we also choose it to lead us.

But Amiço, it's time to look forward!

How can we possibly look forward when the apparent majority of Americans have just set this country back another thirty years? They won't be happy until it's the 1950s again, when women stayed at home, blacks and whites used separate bathrooms, and bulky, gas-guzzling cars represented personal power and success.

I know, I know, but you can't let a major lapse in mass judgment affect your enjoyment of the coming new year, Amiço.

Who cares, honestly? What will change? It's going to be Saturday as usual. Our lives won't suddenly be better just because the last digit in the date is slightly higher.

I'm really sorry you feel that way, Amiço. To me, New Year's Eve is always a time of excitement! You get to spend the evening with friends, reflect on what you will do differently in the coming year, and of course see Dick Clark greet us at midnight...oh no! I forgot.

Si, Dick's not doing it this year. He's busy "recovering" from his "mild" stroke.

What's the meaning of all those quotations? Are you doubting Mr. Clark's reportedly miraculous speedy recovery?

Well, it just seems to me that his representatives are guarding him very closely. Everything he is supposedly saying is being issued through carefully worded press statements, his spokesman won't elaborate on what supposed progress he's been making, yet everyone keeps stressing that he'll come out a-okay. I'm sorry, but this is exactly what happened with Rodney Dangerfield shortly before he died.

Stop it. You're scaring me. New Year's Eve is supposed to be a happy time, Amiço.

Oh? You mean like in 1997, when José threw up all over you after he kept swiping your drinks?

Si, okay, okay, almost always a happy time....

Or how about in 1999 when that cow smashed into the side of the pick-up truck, knocking us all out and throwing us into that ditch where we laid unconscious until the next morning?

All right, I get your point.

And let's not forget 2001, or shall I just resurrect a certain nickname that utilized that words "urine" and "pants?"

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Okay, I admit it! New Year's Eve isn't always the euphoric night everyone makes it out to be! In fact, it can be downright depressing sometimes! There! Are you happy now?

Actually, si! In fact, it made the coming new year seem all the more tolerable. Gracias, C.B.!

Por nada, Amiço. That's what amigos are for. So, until 2005 then?

Si, Happy New Year.

And let's all hope it turns out way better than 2004 did.

Stupid Ohio.

The Gama News Team ©2004 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.