Hola, Chiwawa Boy!

Amiço! It's been ages! Where have you been?

I was.....um, confined to a hospital bed. I had digestional anthrax.

José said you were arrested for stalking Thora Birch.

Yes, well...um...that was just an anthrax symptom. That's how they knew it wasn't just the flu.

So, what are you getting José for Christmas?

Nada.

Nada? Why nada?

I no longer believe in Christmas.

Is this another anthrax symptom?

Nope. I wash my hands of Christmas, or any winter holidays for that matter. They have all been too commercialized.

What do you mean?

Nobody cares about peace on Earth and good will toward men anymore. They're just looking for a way to cash in on the season.

But Amiço, we need a little Christmas....right this very minute.

Sorry, C.B., but for every person out there who claims to love the true meaning and spirit of Christmas, there are a hundred more people trying to sell Elvis nutcrackers or Chia Santa heads. The essence and lifeforce of Christmas have been completely sucked dry.

But come on, Amiço, buying gifts is part of the holiday tradition.

Chiwawa Boy, I don't care how much you love a person, there is no realistic reason to pay eighty bucks for a glass ornament on QVC just because it's created by a company owned by some guy nobody has ever heard of before.

Christopher Radko?

Si, that's the bum. Everyone sees the holiday season not as a loving celebration of life but as a way to have a good fourth quarter.

But but, what about Christmas specials on TV? Surely you can't hate those, right?

Grrr....like anybody cares how the California Raisins celebrate Kwanzaa! They're all just an excuse to run Dolly Madison commercials.

Wait a minute.....so this means you're not getting me a present either?

And take a look at those commercials sometime. You have The Nutcracker Prince advertising Jiffy peanut butter, RC Cola ripping off music from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Mr. Clean wishing everyone a "sparkling Hanukkah!"

He said what?

And the worst ad whore of all is Santa. Did you know that the red and white suit everyone envisions that Santa wears was designed by Coke?? They might as well slap a copyright notice on the back of his neck like a Mego doll!

Huh? Who's an amigo?

And pretty soon all the radio stations will have their rare forty-eight hour block of repetitious holiday music....like I need to hear that stupid Adam Sandler song five times an hour. Hey Adam, comedy's only funny when you're not giggling after everything you say! It's like hearing someone masturbate.

Um....what?

Tell me one good thing about Christmastime that hasn't been bastardized by Proctor and Gamble!

Uh......family?

What?!

Uhh....I said nothing!

TELL ME!!!

Um, I was just saying....family. You know, getting together with the people you love.

Si, I guess that's all right.....I guess....

And even if you can't....then at least keeping them in your heart.

Si....it's been a while since we've been back home to Tamale.

But you see, Amiço, that's probably the greatest thing about the holidays. No matter how far away you are from someone, you can still feel close to them. It's that feeling of togetherness that keeps the spirit of Christmas alive...and no corporation can profit from that.

Except the airlines.

What?

Nothing. You're right, Chiwawa Boy. I'm sorry for blowing up earlier. Gracias for listening.

Hey, what are amigos for? In fact, here...

What's this?

Go ahead, open it!

Hey!! American Beauty on DVD!!! Gracias!!!!

Por nada. I had a feeling you'd like it.

Chiwawa Boy, you're the best amigo a guy could ever have!

Gracias, Amiço. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.

Feliz Navidad.

The Gama News Team ©2001 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.