Chiwawa Boy? Is it working yet?

C.B.?

How about now? Oh! Hola everyone! We'll be ready in just a second, as Chi--

--rumb--

Chiwawa Boy??

Oh, it must have disconnected again. For those of you who don't have one, the GripeLog 486 is on the cutting edge of voice-activated transcription technology. The way it works is you speak into a specially made microphone, and the GripeLog 486 will automatically type out what you say. You can rant and rave all you want to strangers without the annoying need to have to think before you type it all out. It takes away all the hesitation, second-thoughts, and physical exertion of normal online chatting. Anything yet there, Chiwawa Boy??

I guess not. The only problem is, because it's connected to the phone and power lines, it conks out easily during storms. And since we're in Miami, well...you can figure it out. Why is it that whenever the power goes out and comes back on everything shorts out, even things that survived past black-outs?? Do VCRs really take up that much juice that there's that big of a surge when the power comes back? Actually, we didn't want the GripeLog 486 to short out when the power returned, so just before Rita hit we unplugged and disconnected everything. Unfortunately, it's a real pain in the neck to hook back up again. That's why Chiwawa Boy is outside right now climbing up the power lines. Working yet, C.B.?

Okay, nada. Anyway, he's got his microphone up there with him so I can hear if it's working without him having to go back up and down again and again. Hang on, let me get near a window so I can see outside...okay, I see him up there. What is he doing? No wonder it's not working. He's using the wrong cord. He'll need to find a USB port up there with that thing.

--zkk--

Okay, wait a sec, everyone. Chiwawa Boy! I just heard something on your end!

--I--

It's a bit choppy! Tighten the wire!

--ere. How's that?

Perfect! It's working!

Whew, that was a relief.

Por favor, C.B., come down off there now!

Don't worry, Amiço, I'll be very--

Chiwawa Boy?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shoot! He fell! I'll be right back!

Okay, Chiwawa Boy, we're inside now. Come sit down.

I tripped on my mic cord.

Here, put your feet up, and here's a nice soft pillow for your bloody, bruised head.

Why didn't José hook everything back up for us? He knows more about wiring than I do.

He left a couple of days ago to look for supplies in Opa-locka.

Really? He got past all the National Guard stationed around the city?

Si. Isn't it amazing how Florida was able to get the National Guard and a state of emergency declaration almost immediately?

Si...none of this silly three-week waiting period like Louisiana had.

Gee, I wonder what or who was the deciding factor....

Perhaps it helped that we have the National Hurricane Center here, not to mention the guy who helped rig the 2000 election. Speaking of race problems, I also noticed that nobody came into our neighborhood to make sure we had evacuated as ordered.

But, we got through this all right. It was actually quite nice standing outside in 150 mile-per-hour winds.

Did the government send any help to Tamale?

Are you kidding? They wouldn't even send help to New Orleans!

But, Tamale is so close to Florida....

Si, I know, C.B. It's right off the Florida Keys.

When did Hurricane Rita hit Tamale?

Around midnight on the twenty-first, a few hours after it passed by us. It was only a category two storm at that point.

Tamale got through it relatively unscathed, right?

Si, no casualties.

Well, two.

Huh? Two? Who?

Bob Denver and Don Adams.

Chiwawa Boy, TV's Gilligan and Maxwell Smart were not in Tamale when they died. They're American!

Amiço, Gilligan and Maxwell Smart belong to the world.

Uh...huh.

So, all of our amigos and relatives over there are okay?

Si, and storm and flood damage was minimal!

How did Tamale get so lucky?

Well, they were well-prepared. They had a plan and a guy who could effectively handle the aftermaths of disasters.

Who, Gus?

Si! Gus!

Si, Gus is muy bueno. It's amazing how much tarp and dirt pits can help.

Si, not to mention the emergency cases of Negra Modelo.

Why isn't the U.S. as equipped to handle hurricanes as Tamale is? Surely Tamale doesn't have a bigger budget. There's, like, fifteen taxpayers on the whole island.

Well, Tamale doesn't have a corrupt government that turns its back on science and social programs and agencies.

But, it clearly doesn't take that much to protect a town.

Si. Look at all Gus was able to do.

He supplied everyone with flood pants. That can't be too hard for the federal government to handle.

Really. An average pair of flood pants costs about twenty-five bucks. The Gulf Coast alone could have been well taken care of.

He also made sure everyone had enough rope and boards to secure their homes and businesses. Surely, that can't cost the government too much to supply for free.

Heck, go sneak into an 84 Lumber late at night and help yourself if you need to.

Gus also made final sweeps of the various neighborhoods to make sure folks did have a way to get to safety.

Sounds almost like common sense, doesn't it?

Why don't the United States use some of that?

Because of very stubborn, very close-minded, very pigheaded, very white old men.

All of whom were humbled by Katrina and Rita.

Like always, it's the women who expose the faults of men.

I am weather, hear me roar.

Hey, Chiwawa Boy, how's your head by the way?

It's okay. For a bit there I was hallucinating that we had elected a dangerously incompetent boob to run the country.

Hopefully that hallucination will end sooner than later.

The Gama News Team ©2005 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.