Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events

July, 2005
Presidential Diversions

Amiço and Chiwawa Boy

Hola, Amiço! Cómo es usted?

What's with the Mexican Spanish this month, Chiwawa Boy?

Oh, I'm just getting back to my roots. My grandparents were originally Mexican, you know.

How do you know? You were left in an orphanage as an infant.

The man who took care of me told me it was possible. He would call me a "bandito" whenever I would take his Fritos.



No, no, I mean...never mind...so, why are you speaking Mexican Spanish now?

Well, we've been so spoiled with Tamalian Spanish...all it seems to be is simplified English with some pseudo-Spanish words thrown in every couple of sentences.

Can we just drop this, por favor?

Oh, si, si. Sorry, Amiço.

Por nada. So, how did you find the time to learn MexSpan? Isn't July traditionally a busy month in the bricklaying field?

Si, they try to put up as many buildings as possible in the hope that the cement would melt in the sun.

Which...would cause them to collapse, si?

And who do you think they're going to hire to rebuild them?

Um, someone more competent?

Exactly! See, it's all about helping our colleagues.

Uh...huh. But don't you find it hard to concentrate enough to learn MexSpan, especially with all this Karl Rove stuff?


Who?!? "Bush's Brain?" His deputy chief of staff? His slimy, crooked campaign manager in 2000 and 2004?

I'm drawing a blank.

He leaked the name of an undercover CIA operative to the press!

Oh...si, si. That guy.

Just "that guy?!?" C.B., this could finally cripple the administration! How can you not be following this?

Oh, Amiço, that is sooo yesterday's news.


Don't you watch TV? All of that stuff ended when Bush announced who he wants on the Supreme Court. You know, that Mr. Rogers guy.

Uh, C.B., this didn't "end" just because Bush announced that he picked John Roberts.

Sure it did. You don't see anyone on TV talking about this Rove guy anymore, do you?


And everyone's nitpicking over this Robin guy's record now, aren't they?


So, it's over. Everyone's moved on. Why can't you, Amiço?

Chiwawa Boy, don't you find it to be a little convenient that Bush made this controversial announcement right when media interest in Rove was at an alltime high?

Oh, that's just a coincidence, that's all.

A coincidence?? When was the last time a president made a televised address in prime time to announce that he picked a judicial nominee??

Well, um, this was an important nomination, since this is for the Supreme Court and all.

But still, in prime time? When the mindless sheep in this country are at their most vulnerable because they want to find out which talentless tomato they voted off an island?

What are you saying? That Bush deliberately picked that moment in time to make his announcement?

What, as opposed to all those spontaneous addresses he makes on network television??

So, what are you implying? That a president is intentionally trying to divert attention away from a scandal that could destroy him?

Well, who are we talking about?


Wasn't the creation of the Department of Homeland Security a diversion from the fact that Bush dropped the ball on preventing September 11, and that he sat for seven minutes reading a children's book after having been informed that the Trade Towers were attacked?

I guess.

Wasn't the war in Iraq a diversion from the fact that Bush refused to go after Osama bin Laden because of his personal and financial ties to the bin Ladens and the Saudi royal family?

Well, I'll give you that one.

Wasn't the desire to travel to Mars a diversion from the fact that many more troops were being killed after Bush declared "mission accomplished?"

All right, I get it.

And wasn't the proposed gay marriage ban a diversion from practically every other thing that last year's election should have been about?!?

This administration does seem to like to do the old "smoke and mirrors" thing every couple of months or so.

Of course they do, especially now that some of the press has actually found the testicleez to hound Scott McClellan.


Pudgy short guy...press secretary...refuses to answer legitimate questions about scandals the president and his staff are involved in.

Oh si, si. Mr. "I can't comment on an ongoing investigation"...like that's ever stopped him before from commenting on this CIA leak.

It's all a game to them. They think if they throw out some fresh meat, then folks will stop picking at the current carcass.

So, how do we keep...um, gnawing on Rove's carcass?

We write to newspapers, call up television stations, and e-mail members of Congress and demand that they keep their attention on Rove.

Sheesh, imagine if Nixon tried to do something like this during Watergate. The press would have eaten him alive.

But Nixon didn't have a September 11 to cash in on, and that's why the press is allowing this to happen. Bush is once again, however subtly, playing the September 11 card.

"Y'all can't be mad at me. I was the one who did nothing to stop the biggest terrorist attack on American soil!"

If the press actually did their job for once, then who knows what could happen. We could maybe even see the premature end of evil Bush administration.

Now there's an address I'd watch on TV.

"Watch?" Heck, I'd burn a DVD of it for you, Chiwawa Boy.


Por nada.

He Said/He Said May, 2005: Revenge of the Ditz
He Said/He Said April, 2005: The Pope
He Said/He Said February, 2005: Cartoons
He Said/He Said December, 2004: New Year's Past
He Said/He Said October, 2004: Amiço and Chiwawa Boy's Super-Cool Election Spectacular!
He Said/He Said August, 2004: Terror Alerts
He Said/He Said June, 2004: The Gipper
He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster

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The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.