What's that, Amiço? That wussy war with Iraq?

Nada...

That study that showed that even the mentally retarded can operate a Segway?

Nope...

What, then, what?? Those monkeys that learned to use a chat room? Movie director Oscar J. Lifetimemovienetwork suing to have that one cable channel renamed? That Bush girl's abortion??

You're way off....

Then what? What???

Britney Spears is no longer a virgin!

Huh?!? Why? What did you do??

No no no....she said so in a magazine interview.

And you know this because you bought that magazine, right?

No....don't be silly. The magazine isn't for sale yet.

Oh. Was gonna say, Amiço, if you started buying....

They reported it on the news.

WHAT???!!!

Si! It was a big news story!

Well, you mean like in the entertainment and gossip news, right?

Umm...actually no. In fact, it was even on Yahoo's front page.

It was--WHAT??? You mean the same front page that only this past month announced that both Gregory Peck and Katharine Hepburn had died??

Si.

The very same one that kept the world up-to-date on 9/11 and this last jerk-off war?

Si.

The same front page that reported on the bombing of Pearl Harbor?

Well, I don't think Yahoo was around then....

This front page has decided that among the biggest headlines of the day is that some plastic-injected, lip-synching bimbo has had sex??

Si.

This is an outrage!!! What is journalism coming to????

Oh, you're just jealous. You know that when you lose your virginity, Yahoo won't be reporting it.

That's besides the point! It's about what is considered as---what do you mean when I lose my virginity??!!!

Chiwawa Boy, as we've already established, puppet sex doesn't count.

I'll have you know that I am quite experienced in the ways of the female!

Human?

Of course human!!! But you don't see some web site out there telling the whole world about it alongside political assassinations and Yankees scores!

That can be arranged, you know. The Go Network is pretty hard up for cash nowadays....

So now every aspect of our celebrity lives are going to be offered to the public for scrutinizing, huh??

Well, you're not really a--

I can just see the headlines next week, "Robert DeNiro's colon inflamed!"

I'm pretty sure that's already happened. But don't you see, Chiwawa Boy, that people are interested when a celebrity, these supposed pillars of excellence, becomes seriously ill or falls from grace and actually wants to attempt reproduction. The lives of celebrities are perhaps greater entertainment than the crap they get paid to do!

But isn't that violating their privacy??

Hey, if they wanted privacy, they shouldn't have tried to do something they love for a living.

Oh come on, the press does cross the line. Look at the paparazzi!

What's that? That new thing Pizza Hut's offering?

No....those sleazy overfed photographers who track down celebrities at their most intimate and try to take nude pictures of them!

Oh, I see....Jennifer Aniston feels violated because someone documented her walking around her backyard naked, yet we're not supposed to feel violated when we plunk down eight bucks to see The Object of My Affection??

Hmm...good point. Payback, eh?

Well, it's all a matter of who's doing the complaining. We're not talking about Brando or Denzel here....we're talking about celebrities who usually make pretty stupid stuff....Natalie Portman, Alyssa Milano, Woody Harrelson....and Britney Spears. Maybe when they start producing work that's worth our money, then maybe we'll leave them the hell alone.

Privacy incentives? Hmm....I like that! But still, can we keep them off the Yahoo front page??

So C.B., tell me about your first time...

The Go Network isn't the only prostitute online, you know.

The Gama News Team ©2003 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.