Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events

June, 2004
The Gipper

Amiço and Chiwawa Boy

Stupid redneck hypocrite....

Uh oh. What did Bush do now, Amiço?

Have you seen his newest campaign ad? It's the one where the odd-sounding femmy narrator claims that John Kerry is comparing the country's current Bush-created deficit with the Great Depression.

Si. So?

The ad ends with "Pessimism never created any jobs"...sheesh, neither has Bush for that matter!

Hey, we shouldn't be talking about partisan politics today.

Why not?

Because today is a national day of mourning.

For what? Which American Idol contestant died?

No, no, no...it's for President Reagan.

Aw geez! Who cares??

Well, he was the president, Amiço.

Oh, so that means the world has to stop now?? This country didn't bother with him for ten years, but now we're supposed to act like he was really a treasured asset to history??

Well, wasn't he?

NO! Tell me one good thing he did during his term in office.

He ended Communism!

No he didn't!! Zbigniew Brezinski broke up the Soviet Union by manipulating the value of the ruble. All "Clown Face" did was say "tear down this wall"...to the leader of the country the wall wasn't even in!

Hmm, si, what did Reagan do during the Cold War anyway?

Absolutely nada! All of his actions were based on movies he either saw or starred in.

Oh, but didn't he help fight Communism during the 1950s?

Chiwawa Boy, he named names during the McCarthy witch hunt.

Oh...oh. Boy, what a bastard. But at least he helped those hostages.

Do not get me started on that!

What? Why??

C.B., as part of the deal, he sold over a hundred missiles to Iran, and then used the money from the sale to go against Congress's wishes and fund the invasion of Nicaragua.

Sounds like he had an...um, "unique" business sense. That must be why people want him pictured on new money.

And what the hell is up with that, anyway?? This pasty-faced old fart called women in poverty "welfare queens," referred to the destitute as "homeless by choice," ignored the growing AIDS problem, murdered babies in Libya, attempted to dismantle the New Deal, passed sexist legislation against international family-planning organizations, and sank this country into incredible debt by giving tax cuts to the rich...and people want to honor his shit-stained legacy on U.S. currency?? Where's the Nixon $3 bill then?

Did you watch CNN Wednesday?

Si. What the hell was with that gay kid chewing up the scenery??

I think he thought he was auditioning.

C'mon, kid, everyone is starved for work nowadays, but don't belittle yourself by pretending to be a gay Reagan supporter. You're not fooling anybody!

I just can't believe all the networks took three hours out of their schedules to show the casket arriving in Washington, as if they were expecting at some point for him to suddenly pop out of the coffin to wave back or something.

This country is obsessed with death. The government will spend more time and money honoring the dead than it will helping the living...by, oh I don't know...funding stem cell research!!!

Honor the dead, screw the living.

And it's only selected death that we honor. Ray Charles died yesterday, yet the news was already off Yahoo's sidebar by midnight! Meanwhile, every frickin' news channel and web site has a Reagan memorial banner. Between Ray Charles and Ronald Reagan, who do you think made a more lasting contribution to society? In ten years people will forget about "Reaganomics," but they'll still be hearing "Georgia On My Mind" on the radio.

What is that anyway? Reaganomics?

It was essentially refusing to help people or states in financial trouble, while rigging the economy to allow his campaign contributors to profit heavily.

Hm, sounds familiar.

And the people in this country were too greedy to see the problem. Reagan's presidency was a product of its time, the selfish yuppie-filled 1980s.

Boy, you're really upset that there's this much attention given to Reagan, eh?

It's just frustrating is all. People, he almost ruined this country by not knowing what was going on inside it!

But, but...um, he made Jelly Belly famous!

Oh, well then, the geezer liked jelly beans! By all means, let's cut off his head and stick it on the top of the Statue of Liberty's torch!

But, he also gave hope to millions of Americans!

By saying that the rich will just keep getting richer, and you can either help them do it or sleep on the street. I mean, cripes, it's essentially They Live!

Hee hee...love that movie. "Put on the glasses...put on the glasses! Wauuugghhh!" Wait a minute...what do you care what Reagan did in the '80s? We were living in Tamale then!

True, but where do you think Iran stored some of the missiles they got from Reagan??


Si. They were all locked up inside an abandoned Gold Circle.

Wow. Did anyone ever break in and steal any?

Well, José once told me that he was able to get inside the building, but they were too cumbersome to carry out. They were all bundled up in packs of six.

Sheesh, good thing none of them accidentally detonated. They could have wiped out the whole island.

Si, and that is why I first started hating Ronald Reagan. He didn't care who he put at risk just to save his heavily powdered, eye-glazed face.

Did we ever have a leader in Tamale who screwed things up this badly?

I don't think so, but I think, according to our Constitution, the only way power can be changed is through a bloody coup, and nobody wants to attempt that again for a while.

You almost did it that one year.

I wanted to do everything I could to prevent that Wal-Mart from opening.

The citizens didn't know how close we were to having violence in Tamale.

And now we're stuck with "mourning in America."

God help us.

He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster

The Gama News Team ©2004 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.