Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events


May, 2006
Surveillance

by
Amiço and Chiwawa Boy José

Gracias for coming back to do this again, José.

Amiço, I told you, I'm done with these. I mean it.

C'mon, you owe me!

All right, all right, but this is the last favor. After this, we're even, okay?

Okay, okay, geez...but the next time you're selling bootleg DVDs at the Motor City Comic Con, I'm not going to call your cell to warn you about an impending police raid.

Can't you just make up with Chiwawa Boy already?? It's been two months since you two stopped talking to each other.

No! He has yet to redeem himself.

But we all live in the same house! How have you been able to avoid speaking to him for two months??

Well, at first I drew a chalk line down the center of the floor to divide our bedroom in half: one half for me, and the other half for you two. That helped.

Hey, why did I have to share C.B.'s half?!?

Then I constructed a series of pulleys and conveyer belts to get my food out of the kitchen when he was in there, or also to use the bathroom when he was in there.

he was in there.

What was that?

Hey, I dunno! I'm telling you, José, I've been getting really creeped out lately.

Por qué?

It's all this NSA stuff. Illegal wiretapping, phone-record gathering....

It's making you paranoid?

paranoid?

Hey, it happened again!

What is that?

Lemme check the GripeLog 486.

Oh geez, is that thing acting up again?

Hmm....

Anything, Amiço?

Interesting....

Amiço?

I see....

Amiço!

Nada. Everything looks fine.

Maybe it's just the connection today. Let me play with this green wire....

NO! That will disconnect whoever's currently talking!

Well, there's got to be some technical thing wrong with this.

I dunno....

Amiço, calm down. I'm sure it's nada.

Well, give me a break here. I think with the news lately I have a right to be jumpy.

But Amiço, if you have nothing to hide, then what are you worried about?

José, it's the principle of the whole thing. The government has no right to track down our every move or conversation, especially if we're not suspected of any crime! As tacky as it is, calling 1-800-FLOWERS is hardly a red flag for criminal behavior.

But they're just trying to find out who might be calling terrorists overseas.

Oh yeah, right, because Osama bin Laden isn't smart enough to contact his people through other means. He's going to use BellSouth.

But Amiço, they're doing it to protect us.

Okay José, let's assume that's true for a second. If that's all they're interested in, then why are they trying to build a complete archive of all phone calls made in the United States?

What do you mean?

Let's say Lil' Billy in Iowa calls his grandmother in Chicago. In theory an NSA guy monitoring the phone records would say, "Well there's no threat there," right?

Si, I guess so. So?

So why would they need to keep that record? Wouldn't they just discard or destroy it?

Hmm, si, that makes sense.

But they're not doing that. They're instead trying to maintain a constantly updated database of all domestic phone records. Why??

You don't think they're trying to do the "Big Brother" thing, do you?

Why, that's just ridiculous.

Yaaahh!

Who the hell are you?!?

Why, it's me, your old dead friend.

Chiwawa Boy??

Um, yes, yes, see?

Are you here to finally apologize to Amiço?

Uh, yes! Yes! Of course. Amigo, I'm sorry. You were right. I was wrong. So, what's with those Mexicans barging into the country?

"Amigo?"

Wait a minute...why aren't you using your normal GripeLog font color?

What? Oh, yes, I see, I think. Hmm, well, I forgot my password for my account. You wouldn't happen to know it by any chance, would you?

Why sure! It's your favorite IRC channel name, "HotYoung--

José! Alto!

DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM!

Crap.

Chiwawa Boy! What's going on??

This guy was tapping my cell phone two weeks ago until I caught on and switched providers. Then last week he was trying to hack into my computer. I didn't notice it until my DSL connection was slowing down on Travelocity. I was able to create a new firewall program, but not before he copied all my DLL files to access the GripeLog 486.

You scumbag! Travelocity??

Why, this is nonsense! I'm the real Chiwawa Boy!

Oh yeah? Prove it! What's your favorite movie to rent on Netflix?

My favorite movie on Netflix? Why, that's simple, that's--

HA! That was a trick question! Chiwawa Boy doesn't rent movies, and he has had a personal vendetta against Netflix ever since he found out that they stick their most loyal customers at the back of the line for new releases!

He's right!

Just last Monday C.B. was complaining to himself how he'd been missing all the racial movies on Turner Classic Movies this month, and how he wished that he had a rental account somewhere. So I tracked down copies of Imitation of Life and Birth of a Nation for him.

You did?? Just because I was muttering to myself?

Chiwawa Boy, you're my best friend, despite how we argue from time to time.

Hey!

Amiço, I'm really sorry for the way I acted. I was just being hotheaded.

I'm sorry, too. A couple of weeks of being under the watchful eye of the government can sure make one feel isolated and alone. I'm so glad I have an amigo like you.

Look here, I don't know who this person is, but I can assure you that he's not--

Oh stuff it already. Can't you see they're having a moment?

Why are you spying on us anyway??

The government does not spy on people! Besides, our president has the legal authority to--

He told me it was because of last month's immigration discussion. Something about "giving comfort to the enemy."

Latinos?!? The "enemy??"

It's a matter of national pride. We need to prevent them from entering the country. We are a nation of laws and they need to follow them. There are still many jobs that Americans are unwilling--

Oh that's it! I'm pulling the green wire!

No, don't! You'll never get ri

Excelente! Way to go José!

JOSÉ!!! Speaking of best friends....

Si!

Gracias, amigos. Boy, that guy was really getting on my nerves. I now see the danger of all this government surveillance stuff.

At least everything's back to normal again.

Si, finally!

I'm going to log off here. Let's all go out for a couple of beers.

Sounds good.

Oo, I'm in the mood for a nice Miller Lite. I like them because they're less filling.

I'd say because they taste great.

What?!?

Aw dammit.


He Said/He Said April, 2006: Immigration
He Said/He Said February, 2006: Anniversaries
He Said/He Said December, 2005: War on Christmas
He Said/He Said September, 2005: Hurricane Preparation
He Said/He Said July, 2005: Presidential Diversions
He Said/He Said May, 2005: Revenge of the Ditz
He Said/He Said April, 2005: The Pope
He Said/He Said February, 2005: Cartoons
He Said/He Said December, 2004: New Year's Past
He Said/He Said October, 2004: Amiço and Chiwawa Boy's Super-Cool Election Spectacular!
He Said/He Said August, 2004: Terror Alerts
He Said/He Said June, 2004: The Gipper
He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster


The Gama News Team ©2006 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.