Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events

May, 2005
Revenge of the Ditz

Amiço and Chiwawa Boy

Hey, Chiwawa Boy....



Ohh, I take it you saw Star Wars, si?

Si! You?


Wasn't that so friggin' cool??

I suppose. I'm usually not fond of political movies during non-election years. I'm kinda lazy that way.

Huh? Political movies? What, Star Wars?


What the hell are you talking about?

Well, think about it, Amiço. Why did Chancellor Palpatine launch the Clones Wars?

To protect the Republic from the Separatists.

And who were the Separatists led by?

Count Dooku.

And who was Count Dooku working for?

Darth Sidious.

And who did Darth Sidious turn out to be?

Heeey...that's right!

See now?

So, what you're saying is in order to be given unlimited governing power, power which would later be abused, a man had his business associates create a catalyst that would allow him to concoct a war in order to supposedly save the peace, si?


I still don't get it.

You don't think that maybe sounds a little too similar to what's been going on here for the last four years?

What, you mean with Bush and Iraq?

Si. Notice any parallels?

Well, Bush does look very much like the Emperor, now that you mention it....

But wasn't that the first "official" reason we were given to go into war? That it was a fight we needed to fight, otherwise the other guys would attack us and cripple our democracy?

Si, si.

And remember the scene when Palpatine and Anakin are watching that stupid water ballet thing?

Si...what the hell was that, anyway? An ultrasound of Rush Limbaugh's colon or something?

Hee hee..."Sir, inside we've found lots of Oxycotin and something that looks like your head."

Wasn't it the "liberal media's" fault he got hooked on that stuff?

I dunno...he's the one who's had both a radio show and a TV show, so I guess it's not all that liberal. Anyway, remember when Palpatine was trying to get Anakin to admit that the Jedi Council asked him to spy on him?


Do you remember the exchange at all?

Not really.

Oh. Well, lucky for me I have a bootleg copy of Star Wars Episode III right here. I'll play the scene for you and transcribe it.

Where did you get a bootleg copy? I thought they were really trying to crack down on those?

Oh yeeeah, right...and MP3s are popular because they sound good. Oh, okay, here's the scene. Hang on a sec.

Why do you have a bootleg of a movie you weren't crazy about, anyway?

Okay, Anakin says, "I know they don't trust you," and then Palpatine quickly adds, "Or the Senate, or the Republic, or democracy for that matter."


Sounds very much like those who accuse anti-Bush people of being "unpatriotic," wouldn't you say?

Good point. Now, I do remember Anakin saying "If you are not with me, then you're my enemy." So, you're either with us or against us, eh? Don't know what that could be referring to....

Speaking of this little odd opera-thing scene, how about when Palpatine told Anakin where to find that freaky robot guy, General Grievous, and everyone believed finding him would bring an end to the war?

At least they actually found Grievous. We're still looking for Osama bin Laden. You know, we can hunt down runaway brides in Vegas and can track Dave Chappelle to South Africa, but we can't find one guy in the Middle East after three and a half years.

Yeah, really, it's amazing how we always just miss him, isn't it?

Maybe the IV he's hooked up to has a rocket skate on it.

Oh, so now bin Laden's Wile E. Coyote?

Hey, it's better than him no longer being a concern for Bush, right?

Pretty much "wanted, dead or alive" became "wanted, Osama or Saddam."

It's kinda interesting how Palpatine obsessively relies on his faith to give him power. Very Bush-like.

Oh si, si. Focus on the dark side of any religion and it leads to trouble, whether you become an emperor or want to prevent gay people from marrying.

Remember when Mace Windu kicked Palpatine's ass a bit? Palpatine can at least say he's been in a battle!

Speaking of which, here's the scene in which he addresses the Senate afterward....


Palpatine says, "The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed, but I assure you my resolve has never been stronger."

Hey, wait a minute....


I'll be right back. I gotta check something in an old He Said/He Said.

You do? What?

Ah! Here it is. Remember the State of the Union from 2002? The one right after September 11?


Maybe you'll remember this little bit then: "As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our union has never been stronger."

Hmm...Bush does like to brag about his resolution. Good find there, Amiço!

Did you mention any of this to José?

Oh, you know José. Mention Star Wars and the first thing out of his mouth is about that 16mm outtake he has of Mark Hamill saying the F-word on Dagobah.

I'm getting sick of that, too. Okay, we get it! The snake bit him! It happens!

I'd rather see Natalie Portman's cut scenes from Closer.

At least it would make that movie watchable. So, Chiwawa Boy, what does all this mean? That if we continue down the path Bush is leading us we will one day be under the reign of an emperor?

Well, remember, Palpatine claimed to form the Empire "in order to ensure our security and continuing stability...for a safe and secure society."

And aren't empires formed by acquiring other lands and claiming ownership? You know, like with Iraq?

Si. And the poor, mindless sheep around here won't know what hit them until it's too late.

In fact, they'd probably go right along with it...that's just how "patriotic" they are.

"This is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause."

You know you're a lousy president when even Yoda's against you.

He Said/He Said April, 2005: The Pope
He Said/He Said February, 2005: Cartoons
He Said/He Said December, 2004: New Year's Past
He Said/He Said October, 2004: Amiço and Chiwawa Boy's Super-Cool Election Spectacular!
He Said/He Said August, 2004: Terror Alerts
He Said/He Said June, 2004: The Gipper
He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster

The Gama News Team ©2005 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.