Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events


April, 2007
Shootings

by
Amiço and Chiwawa Boy

Amiço, how do you pronounce "Argh?"

Huh??

I've been bagging all my comic books this week and I keep coming across this word while reading them.

"Argh?"

Si.

How's it being used?

Usually during fights. Someone will scream it when they're hit.

Really?

Si. I've never heard anyone actually make this sound before. Have you?

Nope. Usually people go "OW!" or "AAAAHH!" when they're in pain.

That's what I thought. Where does the "rrr" sound come in?

Now, just "Agh" makes sense because when you're screaming it will usually trail off with a phlegmy catch in your throat. But "Argh?" Who has time to add an extra consonant sound when they're in sheer agony?

I even tried to hunt down movies that feature great pain-induced screams.

Y...?

Nada. Remember the hobbling scene in Misery?

Si, si, love that movie. I wish James Caan would do more.

Me too. Anyway, he gave these two really realistic screams when his ankles were broken, and neither of them had an "rrr" sound. They were both these loud, long, piercing "AAAAAAGGHH!!!" screams.

So who says "Argh!" in the comics?

Gosh, practically anyone. It happens at least once during any prolonged fight.

So it's not a rare word, huh? I mean, it's not just used for those super painful moments that most people would probably never experience then, si?

Nope, it's said during punches, kicks, beat-downs with normal weapons. Amiço, I've been beaten up a lot, and I've never uttered the word "Argh!", even when that ninja guy smacked me in the face with his nunchucks.

I remember that.

It stinks being so cool that people resent you for it.

Or in your case, just being an idiot.

Well anyway, you feel like an outcast. I can totally sympathize with that kid who did the shooting at Virginia Tech.

He wasn't smacked in the face with nunchucks.

He might have been at one point. He was Asian.

Oh geez....

So how are you feeling about all this, Amiço? It's a national tragedy that doesn't involve Bush in any way, shape, or form.

But still, it won't look good for him. In addition to all of the crap he did cause either directly or indirectly through his own incompetence, the worst single-person shooting rampage in U.S. history has happened on his watch.

Bush fans always say that he's accomplished more than Clinton did....

"More students were killed in a senseless bloodbath in one day than in all of Clinton's term!"

How many people were killed?

Including the gunman himself, thirty-three.

Wow.

Si.

Well, there was a good chance that most of those kids were going to be killed in Iraq anyway, so....

Chiwawa Boy!!!

Que??!?

If you had a radio show, I would sooo try to get you fired from it right now!

I'm sorry if I offended you.

This is worse than that rant you gave at that comedy club.

I can't believe all this media attention it has been getting.

I know what you mean. Surely something else has to be going on somewhere around the world, si?

Well, the whole Anna Nicole Smith "who's your padre?" thing is over.

And that's the sad part, that the news has to jump from shock to shock nowadays. All other stories have to take a far back seat to kidnapped astronauts or irate actors on cell phones or whatever else the "hot" topic is this very second.

And that's not to say that a school shooting isn't news....

Of course not, but why did every single local news station in the country have to go down there to cover it? Was there a big local interest in Omaha? It just balloons the whole thing from a freakish tragedy into a circus.

You know, they say they still don't know what drove that Seung-Hui Cho kid to do this.

Chiwawa Boy, they'll never know. Oh sure, they'll speculate, blame friends, blame girls, blame parents, blame teachers, blame video games, blame Ozzy, and point to clues that aren't there, but they'll never know for sure. The time for finding out what was wrong with this kid is long gone.

How many guns did he use anyway?

Just two, both purchased in the last two months or so.

So it's just that easy for a kid from South Korea to buy a handgun?

The only requirement in Virginia is that one needs to show proof of residence in the state, while he bought the second gun off the Internet and the ammo from eBay.

Sounds stupidly simple.

Here's the thing, Chiwawa Boy. A year and a half ago a court in the state ruled that he needed psychiatric help, but they never submitted that ruling to the National Instant Criminal Background Check System that gun dealers use for the background checks.

You're kidding.

No. Virginia knew he was a potential danger to people, yet they were too lazy to forward it to the federal database. So in the end, the state's own rather-open gun requirement allowed this massacre to happen.

It sounds like someone did their homework and knew how to manipulate the system.

Which is of course easy to do when the NRA has essentially bought the U.S. gun policy. Washington has not only pawned it off onto the states, but in most states the requirement is simply to have a pulse.

I heard Montana doesn't even have that.

So if we do need to wrap this around Bush, then think about all the things he wants the government to no longer handle and just push down to the local level...parks, wildlife protection, emissions standards, stem cell research, civil rights such as gay marriage and abortion. If this is the bang-up job states do on gun control, then what chance does this country's future have?

Didn't the university even prohibit students from keeping guns on campus?

Si. The NRA has been bitching and moaning lately about how that infringes on peoples' rights or something...to say nothing of the rights of the people who want to live.

Isn't a place of business allowed to say what people can and cannot bring onto their premises? I mean, flash cameras are perfectly legal and harmless, but you still won't be allowed inside of a concert venue with one.

They claim that "Oh, if someone was concealing a gun, then this could have been stopped early on." Oh yeah? Well, how about this one: "Oh, if only we didn't spend so much money influencing the majority of the government to let us write national gun policy then this kid wouldn't have had access to the guns in the first place!" But they don't want to have that debate.

Well then, maybe when they're all done patting themselves on the backs and saying "I told ya so," then maybe this country can have a discussion about reevaluating gun control.

Didn't we learn anything from Bowling for Columbine?

You mean besides Charlton Heston and Dick Clark being spineless cowards?

Si.

Well, I learned that Matt Stone is a naive, gullible, talentless hack who's just along for the ride.

Can't argue with that one. He didn't know his interview was going to be used to speak out against guns? Then he's a moron. He was talking to Michael Moore. What the hell did he think he was being interviewed for??

You know, they found some of Seung's writings.

Si, and a select few found them to be "disturbing." Oh por favor, find me a college student who isn't writing dark material!

Really. In one of his plays a few students plot to do away with a teacher who had been mean to them. There's only been, what, nine hundred plays, movies, and novels with that plot, si?

And some of his supposed fellow students, these ultra-white jock lunkheads and prom queens, of course go on the news to tell how they didn't really know him, but he always seemed quiet to them. Yeah, maybe if your whole flippin' clique didn't alienate him he wouldn't seem so stand-offish.

An immigrant Korean kid in a redneck university feeling like an outcast? Oh, well, of course he's a madman. Surprised he didn't kill anyone sooner.

He was quiet and wrote odd, dark things? What, you mean like everyone does at one point or another during their adolescence??

And again, it's not that we're condoling mass-murder....

Of course not, but to paint him and what was bothering him with such broad strokes...that's almost insulting to the thousands of other students across the country who may also feel that way but wouldn't stoop to actually killing people. They're fishing for a reason, and depression is the perfect scapegoat. It can be vague, it varies from person to person, and one can attribute any twisted shit they want to it.

The kid clearly had problems.

Si, but the truth is that we'll never know what they were. Nobody will, no matter how much computer-hacking and cell phone-searching they do. They missed their chance to get to know this kid. And that's a shame, because if even a fifth of the people who are taking an interest in him now did when he was still alive, he may have found someone willing to help him and prevent all this from happening.

Instead, he's just going to be brushed off as another crazy, depressed student who was apparently inspired by Columbine to create the worst Emancipation Day ever.

And we have the nerve and ego to try to deduce what made him tick. Sigh, it all just makes me want to go....

..."argh?"


He Said/He Said March, 2007: Anna Nicole
He Said/He Said January, 2007: State of Confusion
He Said/He Said November, 2006: Torture
He Said/He Said August, 2006: Pluto
He Said/He Said July, 2006: The Anti-War Movement
He Said/He Said May, 2006: Surveillance
He Said/He Said April, 2006: Immigration
He Said/He Said February, 2006: Anniversaries
He Said/He Said December, 2005: War on Christmas
He Said/He Said September, 2005: Hurricane Preparation
He Said/He Said July, 2005: Presidential Diversions
He Said/He Said May, 2005: Revenge of the Ditz
He Said/He Said April, 2005: The Pope
He Said/He Said February, 2005: Cartoons
He Said/He Said December, 2004: New Year's Past
He Said/He Said October, 2004: Amiço and Chiwawa Boy's Super-Cool Election Spectacular!
He Said/He Said August, 2004: Terror Alerts
He Said/He Said June, 2004: The Gipper
He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster


The Gama News Team ©2007 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.