Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events


April, 2006
Immigration

by
Amiço and Chiwawa Boy José

Ready, José?

What am I doing here?

I told you, we're going to do this month's He Said/He Said...me and you.

Amiço, I really don't like doing these things. Can't you just apologize to Chiwawa Boy?

I'm not going to apologize to him unless he admits that he was being a soulless asshole.

Um, I really don't think he's going to say that.

Oh well then.

Will you please tell me what happened already??

Well, we were going to do a column last month on Scientology.

Oh boy. That pseudo-religion invented by a sci-fi writer who was looking for a career boost?

Si, the one that doesn't believe in medicine, debate, masturbation, homosexuality, allowing women to scream when going into labor, or the Internet.

Do they have a web site?

Oh, of course!

Huh. So anyway, you two were going to discuss this wacky cult and...?

And, well, I made a comment that organized religion in general is dangerous. Chiwawa Boy got offended and started with the name-calling.

But, you two have poked fun at religion before, si?

Si! I brought that point up, so he left in a huff.

What's that, a compact car?

No, no...um, what?

So that's why there was no column posted last month?

Si. We haven't talked to each other in three weeks.

Wow, is that like a record for you two?

Si. But oh well, if Mr. Boy feels he's too good to discuss matters like a mature person, then to heck with that filthy scum-sucking poophead.

But Amiço....

No, mi mind's made up, José. We need to move on. Immigration! Can you believe that?

Um, wha?

Bush is trying to push legislation through Congress to create a new "worker class" out of all the illegal immigrants that are in the country.

Can he do that?

Um, he seems to think so.

What would this worker class thing have to do?

Well, right now illegal immigrants pay Social Security tax and payroll tax, even though the Social Security number is usually phony and--

Wait a minute, if the numbers are phony, then who will eventually receive that Social Security money?

Well, someone else, I guess.

But, but, we were illegal immigrants for several years! Does that mean that I'll never get that money back?

Well, considering you never worked or paid taxes I really don't see how that's going to aff--

Dammit Amiço, I'm mad! Why didn't anyone tell us this when we came here?

Um, because we came here illegally, remember? You didn't really think there was going to be a tour guide welcoming us, did you?

Grrr...so, this worker class thing is going to, what, legitimize all these illegal immigrants who pay taxes and stuff?

Pretty much, si.

Why is he pushing for this?

Because "there are some jobs that Americans are unwilling to do."

What??

That's his rationale, that we need illegal immigrants around here because Americans refuse to do certain jobs.

Like what?

Well, like fruit pickers, nannies, truck drivers, retail workers--

Wait a minute, why wouldn't Americans want to do those jobs??

Because they don't pay as well as others.

But, isn't that then an economic issue rather than an immigration issue??

Well, one alternative that's been proposed is to raise the minimum wage and have some of these jobs become represented by unions, but Congress is sort of ignoring such ideas.

Hmm, and who controls Congress?

Good point.

So, if I got this right, businesses are refusing to pay people decent wages for some of these jobs....

Si.

So therefore Bush believes that it means that Americans don't want to do those jobs....

Si.

And since those are the jobs illegal immigrants take out of desperation anyway, why not just give them the okay to keep doing it. Am I correct so far?

Si.

So, businesses are essentially controlling this country's immigration policy?

Um, pretty much, si.

Is this only going to affect Latino immigrants or also Canadians?

Funny enough, nobody has mentioned Canada once in all of this. It seems to be exclusively targeting those from Mexico and all points south.

Where would Tamale fall in all this?

Well, it's just west of the Florida Keys, so I guess it's kind of like Cuba...only without, you know, the rampant Communism or the U.S. torture base.

So, a specific race is being targeted to become a new worker class of citizens, si?

Si.

Didn't this country do that once before already?

Well, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes dealt with gorillas, and it was of course science fic--

No, no, no! I mean slavery!

Oh, that can't possibly be their ultimate goal, can it??

Well, Latinos haven't really had their own civil rights activism yet....

You know, I really don't like where this conversation is going. It's really scaring me.

Hey, remember I didn't want to do this!

That's not what I mean. I me--

Why don't you just apologize to Chiwawa Boy?

Will you STOP interrupting me?!? Por favor!

Okay, okay, geez!

I told you, not until he says he's sorry for acting like a screwball.

Boy, you two are so stubborn!

Look, just tell him when he's ready to apolo--

Ooooh no! I'm not going to act as some kind of mediator! You two want to resolve this, you do it yourselves!

FINE! Talk to you later!

Amiço?

Amiço??

Is he gone?

Si, he left. Chiwawa Boy, you two really need to settle this already.

No, he hurt my feelings.

Geez...okay, but next time don't lean in so close when you read over my shoulder, okay?

Si. Sorry.


He Said/He Said February, 2006: Anniversaries
He Said/He Said December, 2005: War on Christmas
He Said/He Said September, 2005: Hurricane Preparation
He Said/He Said July, 2005: Presidential Diversions
He Said/He Said May, 2005: Revenge of the Ditz
He Said/He Said April, 2005: The Pope
He Said/He Said February, 2005: Cartoons
He Said/He Said December, 2004: New Year's Past
He Said/He Said October, 2004: Amiço and Chiwawa Boy's Super-Cool Election Spectacular!
He Said/He Said August, 2004: Terror Alerts
He Said/He Said June, 2004: The Gipper
He Said/He Said March, 2004: Language
He Said/He Said February, 2004: Nudity
He Said/He Said January, 2004: State of Delusion
He Said/He Said December, 2003: 2003: The Obligatory Year in Review
He Said/He Said October, 2003: Marriage Protection Week
He Said/He Said September, 2003: Blackouts and Rub-outs
He Said/He Said July, 2003: Virginity and Celebrity
He Said/He Said April, 2003: France
He Said/He Said March, 2003: War
He Said/He Said February, 2003: Award Season
He Said/He Said December, 2002: Resolutions
He Said/He Said October, 2002: Fear
He Said/He Said September, 2002: The Emmys
He Said/He Said August, 2002: Baseball
He Said/He Said June, 2002: The Pledge
He Said/He Said May, 2002: Cloning
He Said/He Said February, 2002: Sex
He Said/He Said January, 2002: The State of the Union
He Said/He Said December, 2001: The Holidays
He Said/He Said August, 2001: McDonald's
He Said/He Said July, 2001: Music
He Said/He Said May, 2001: The Death Penalty
He Said/He Said March, 2001: The Oscars
He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster


The Gama News Team ©2006 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.