Our recurring feature in which Gama News political experts Amiço and Chiwawa Boy of The José Trio discuss and debate each other on current world news and events

March, 2001
The Oscars

Amiço and Chiwawa Boy

Amiço, did you see the Oscars?? I am so ticked off!!

About what? What's wrong?

Kate Hudson didn't win for Almost Famous! She wasn't even nominated!

What are you talking about? They even said on the awards that she was nominated.

Ah, but if they really cared for her, then they would have given her the award instead of just a lousy nomination!

Chiwawa Boy, you didn't even see Almost Famous. Why is this bothering you so much?

Because everyone said she should have won. And her madre is Goldie Hawn!

So what?

So what?? Amiço, when your madre is an occasionally-successful aging film actress, you deserve to win every award for your very first major role. That's just how Hollywood works.

You have got to be kidding me.

Nada. It's been like that for a while for offspring. Lon Chaney, Jr., Beau Bridges, Liza Minelli, Michael Douglas, Jeff Bridges, Charlie Sheen, Mira Sorvino, Sophia Copolla. Even Tom Hanks' son is in a movie now!

What?? This sucks! This means now that unbelievably talented actors and actresses will simply never have the opportunities in Hollywood unless they are born into one of these celebrity dynasties.

Calm down, Amiço. This is a good thing. You know, like when Mel Blanc died and his son took over all the Looney Tunes voices.

Wha? WHA? I-I'm stunned that you would compare the great Mel Blanc to that irritating, unfunny, pulled-taut giggling hag Goldie Hawn! Besides, what good could there possibly be to have a younger, dopier version of Goldie Hawn around for?? In case they make a freakin' Private Benjamin prequel?!

But...but Kate Hudson is a brilliant actress. TV Guide told me so.

C.B., the fact that Kate Hudson was even nominated should be proof upon proof that the Oscars are now the most unethical, bribed, and prostituted facade in the entertainment industry.

Oh, you're just still mad that L.A. Confidential lost the Best Picture Oscar to Titanic in '98.

That movie was terrible!! They expect us to feel sorry about this rat-faced, ex-star of Growing Pains playing a fictional character, but not the 1200 other people that were killed in the crash!!

I like L.A. Confidential better. "I'm here talking about the gas chamber, and you haven't once asked me what this is about. You got a BIG guilty sign on your head!"

And don't get me started on god damn Julia Roberts winning the Best Actress award! They shoulda just engraved the Oscar "To Thing 1 and Thing 2!"

Whoa. Are you okay there, Amiço?

Remember ladies, you won't be worth anything unless you show off your breasts!! Take it from Erin Brockocrotch!!


And Russell Crowe! RUSSELL CROWE???!!! He doesn't get anything for L.A. Confidential or The Insider, but for a wooden performance in a crappy rip-off of Braveheart??!!

Amiço, you're scaring me.

And Gladiator wins Best Picture??? What the "F" is going on around here??! And what was with Bjork's stupid swan outfit?? That couldn't have possibly been the same babe in that "I Miss You" video with Jimmy the Hapless Boy!!! And what was with that song from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?? They shoulda called it Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sausage!!!

Um, I think we should just leave Amiço alone for a while, folks. He gets this way after every awards show.

And Macy Gray wins Best Performance from a Female Singer??? She sounds like she has an olive caught in her throat!!!! I would have rather seen the award go to Josie and the freakin' Pussycats!!!

Although, at least now I feel a little better about Kate Hudson not winning anything. See you next time, everyone.

You heard me! The Pussycats!!!

He Said/He Said February, 2001: Napster

The Gama News Team ©2001 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.