Hola, folks! Chiwawa Boy will join us momentarily. You see, someone wrote in about last month's column, in which C.B. said that Bush is the country's first unelected president. The letter read, "How could you forget Ford?" Well, it's very easy to, but still Chiwawa Boy has been sulking all month long for this lapse in minor presidential history. He locked himself up in his bedroom for weeks, but he promised he'll buck up and join us for this month's column.

Hey Amiço! I'm back!

Welcome back, C.B.! Feeling better, eh?

Oh no, not at all, but this time I can guarantee that last month's blunder will never happen again!

How are you going to do that?

When I was in my room this past month, I spent the entire time reading and rereading all about history!

Oh? So now you know all about presidential history?

Not just that!

Wow...learning all about U.S. history in a month is pretty impressive.

Uh-uh, not even just that!

Chiwawa Boy, are you trying to tell me that in the span of one month, you've learned everything there is to know about the history of the world??

Nope!

Oh...good. Whew, was gonna say....

I've learned the history about everything in the known universe!

What?!?

Go on...test me!

Uh, C.B., it really isn't necessary this month. You see--

I said test me!

Sigh...all right. Who formed the League of Nations?

Wilson! C'mon, Amiço, try me!

Okay...um, under which queen did M--

Elizabeth.

Mar--

Oh! Oh! Elizabeth II!

That's quite impressive.

Gracias. I even know about things that haven't been proven yet!

Like...?

All I can say is there was also a third gunman. So, what political topic are we going to discuss this month? The economy? Gay marriage?

Um, well...I was thinking of the Superbowl halftime show.

What?

Well, it's just that since this is He Said/He Said's third anniversary, and since last month we tackled the biggest evil in the world, I thought it would be fun if this month had a lighter tone. You know, to kinda clean the palette.

But...but...I spent all month in my room studying! I didn't even watch the Superbowl!

That's okay. Neither did I.

So why are we going to discuss the halftime show??

Because Justin Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson's breast.

Oh...eww. So?

And well, it's been discussed ad nauseam all month, so I thought it was time for us to weigh in on it.

But, neither of us saw it.

Well, CNN has been rerunning that clip over and over again.

Well, how are we supposed to discuss it?? Who cares what our opinions are on it?

Hmm, good point. Not that nudity is bad.

Oh, of course not, no. But then again, there are some disadvantages.

Oh, are you taking "con?"

Si! Why not?

Okay, let's see...the benefits of nudity. Um, pro, it increases the chance of sex.

Con, unless it's only on TV.

Pro, nudity has been an integral part of the world of art. Without the beauty of the naked body, today we may not know the works of such artists as Michelangelo, Picasso, and Salvador Dali.

Con, not to mention Russ Meyer and Shannon Tweed.

Hmm. Good point. Okay, how about this? Pro, nudity has played a role in some of film's most memorable scenes. Think of Sharon Stone, Anne Bancroft...

Con, and Ned Beatty.

Eww. Pro, nudity is used to make statements and stir controversy, like on album covers or in print ads.

Con, it's also used to objectify women.

Hey now. The female body is a beautiful thing. Pro, think of Oscar winners Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, and Gwenyth Paltrow.

Con, and Kathy Bates.

Stop that! You're just being mean now.

I'm just trying to be honest! Not everyone looks good naked.

How can you say that? And just to show I'm not being sexist, pro, Mel Gibson!

Con, any of the guys in The Full Monty!

Pro, pregnant Demi Moore!

Con, implant-stuffed, wrinkly Striptease Demi Moore!

Pro, anyone in Hair!

Con, anyone on Springer!

Pro, Rose McGowan's creepy, off-center nipples!

Con, Don Knotts's creepy, off-center nipples!

Okay, that's it. You have officially made me sick.

Aw, I'm sorry, I was just trying to illustrate that the appeal of nudity is purely subjective, as is any objection to it.

Hmm, interesting. After all, when you consider all of the other things this country has to be outraged over...

An unjust war, a pathetic economy, threats to ban civil liberties...

Exactly! After all that, a removed boob is hardly the end of the world.

It may be the end of a career, however...

So, Chiwawa Boy, do you really know everything about everything?

Si. Why?

Who's going to lose in November?

Come on, you already know that.

Speaking of removed boobs...

The Gama News Team ©2004 GAMA Productions. The Gama News Team and its related characters are the exclusive properties of GAMA Productions. All rights reserved.

The José Trio concept, Amiço, and Chiwawa Boy are the exclusive properties of Catra Enterprizes, a Catra-Dohtem, Inc. company.